"We're very progressive, apply even if you're a totally useless individual! A black hole from which money and talent descend and are forever lost! If you have no eyes or ears and communicate by screaming at the top of your lungs in a horrific cacophany that only serves to remind those around you of the perpetual suffering that is your life, we want you on our team! If you wear a pyramid on your head and go around suprise buttsexing anyone you catch, we have a spot for you in our c-suite!"
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I do think the surprise buttsex thing might be a deal breaker even if you do ship product.