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Everyone is going to lose if the society tells kids first that it's not worth finding a spouse, second that it's morally wrong to better yourself to become worthy of being someone's spouse, and third that it's morally wrong to expect someone to become better to become worthy of being your spouse.

And that's exactly what we tell kids today.

Women don't know what they actually want consciously, just as men don't. They know what they like when they see it, and sometimes it's not what they expect.