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Fantasies usually aren't about the thing they're about. They're usually about a specific feeling they invoke that's usually cut away like a slice of pie from the whole experience.

Lots of virgin males out there fantasize about having some hot girl stalk them. Not because they want a stalker, but because the idea of a hot girl deeply caring for them to an unhealthy degree is appealing to someone who feels like the nobody in the world cares about them. Those men change their mind immediately once the reality sets in and they realize that the positive emotions of being cared about are in no way comparable to the negative emotions of having a dangerous and unstable person constantly sneaking around you.

Same with rape fantasies. There's a positive emotion in terms of being overwhelmed with this masculine force you can't stop desiring you and taking you, but reality sets in if it happens that the positive emotions are overwhelmed in the real situation by the negative emotions that come with it.

The biggest thing in both cases is that people's fantasies aren't about the thing they're about. They're about specific feelings picked out of a situation that's under the perfect control of someone's imagination.