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I saw a video today suggesting that the boomers were authoritarian parents and the millennials softer touch is a reaction to that. The idea that the boomers were extremely authoritarian parents really lacks historical context.

The boomers were the first postwar generation, and grew up and came of age in the most progressive era in the history of the world. They were the generation of the hippies, they were the generation of rock and roll, they were the generation that actually started to say things like "it's wrong to spank your kids".

You listen to the stories from the boomers, they had corporal punishment not just from parents; they still got smacked by teachers with rulers, and they were the generation that ended that practice. You know how millennials didn't routinely get a cane from the principal for doing something wrong? Guess what? That used to be common. Most of these ideas of gentler parenting came from the boomers and were implemented in large part by the boomers, and millennials are just more of what their parents were.

If we look at the trend of iPad kids, we could actually potentially trace this phenomena to the boomers. They raised the "participation trophy" kids, and raised them with empathy and tried to keep that generation separate from hardship as they grew up based on the psychotheraputic idea that all our problems are actually caused by childhood trauma and so by eliminating childhood trauma you eliminate everyone's problems. Unfortunately, the truth of emotional resilience is that it's like a muscle -- you don't get strong by sitting in a chair and never challenging yourself, you become strong by lifting the heaviest thing you can carry until your arms start to hurt. This led to the famously weak snowflake millennial generation, and that includes the weakness where they can't handle the stress of being an adult and raising kids and need to jam an iPad in their kids face to get a break. It doesn't matter if you're living in a community if everyone else in the community is weak too, only virtuous people getting together to form a community are stronger than their component parts.

As someone who works and plays deeply with technology (I mean, I run my own server farm so I can self-host most of my own services including search, social media, and media streaming), I am surprised to discover that I have such a low tech approach. That isn't to say I'm completely out of the loop, we have a fairly connected home -- we have google homes so the CIA knows I'm a good boy, and I have a chromecast audio connected to the living room stereo for music, and I have a chromecast with google TV hooked up to the main TV set in the living room, but it isn't the core focus. Even when we have a movie on, often what's actually happening is my boy tugs on my finger wanting me to come down and play trucks with him. He plays with his toys, he's not just sitting there holding an iPad, and -- importantly, I think -- we choose what he sees on TV, rather than him randomly mashing for the next video.

I'm a millennial and a father, and what I see out in the world is a ghost world: I go out for walks and to play at parks with my son every day I'm home to do so. Some days we go out twice, sometimes we go out three times. You would think that the parks would have someone at them, but sometimes I'll go to three different parks, and we'll have all three to ourselves. Occasionally I'll see someone on a holiday, but most days I see no one. The way I understand it is that the parents who are complaining about how hard being a parent is aren't actually going out and doing the job on a day to day basis. They can't hack it, the strain of doing what's right for someone else is too much. Instead of going to the park or the beach or walking down a walking trail (all stuff that's free and doesn't take a lot of time), they sit at home swiping twitter while their kids swipe tiktok.

Ironically, I think that the act of doing these things actually is itself good for your mental health as a parent. Going for a walk down a nature trail is good for you. Going for a walk in general is good for you. Taking time with family is good for you. Playing with your kid at the park is good for you. Going to a local beach or river is good for you. If these parents who complain that they're so stressed out by parenthood just did parenting, they might find their lives are a lot easier doing their job than trying to avoid doing their job.

All that being said, I'm not super-Dad, I'm just doing my best and there's a lot of ways I don't achieve top marks every day, so this is all really mediations on what I see...