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How do we solve the online (in)civility problem?

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Yeah, and I'd love to join one of those servers but last time I was on one I got banned for bullshit reasons.

Online moderation (incl various forms of defederation) is good and all, but there's too much rule of whim and not enough due process.
Some things that might help:
- logging moderation actions and notifying those sanctioned (already done in many cases but not in enough)
- allowing appeal
- maybe a full-blown jury system if it's worth the effort
Communities can pick and choose from these depending on their resources.
One thing one could do might be to make a list of forums/spaces that rates them on these qualities.
cc: @ntnsndr

the problem of people being assholes? was that not obvious?

It's hard to stay civil when you're in an environment of massive incivility. Also there are worse things than sarcasm, as I'm sure you're aware.